Sitting with pain be it emotional or physical is hard to do for anyone but especially for the addict or alcoholic. I have been feeling pretty good lately on both levels. God has blessed me with hope which is a necessity for us to live. Without hope we have nothing. This morning I walked into the kitchen to get my second cup of coffee and was hit with intense pain on my side. At first I thought it was a kidney stone but now I am pretty sure it is my back. I have a long history of back problems. I don’t like the physical pain but I was really floored with how quickly my emotional wellness went down the tube. Suddenly all the negative emotions reared their ugly head. I had to talk myself to a place of emotional wellness again but it isn’t easy.
We addicts and alcoholics have a hard time sitting with pain. We have to find a way to get rid of it. If we can’t turn to our drugs of choice then we become depressed. My oldest daughter just gave me a book to read. It is called “Women, Food, and God.” It is by Geneen Roth. I have just started it but I think it will be good. It is written for women about food, however I am sure men will benefit from it and food can translate to drugs or cigarettes as well. What I am getting out of it is that we do need to learn to stop covering our negative emotions with whatever drug we chose. I don’t imply this is easy. It’s not. I detest how I feel when I have to sit with emotional pain. It seems like it will go on forever and I want to jump out of my skin. Admittedly, I ended up running from it lots of times. What I have learned during those hard times is that I come back stronger and more determined to fight my addictions.
I don’t have the answers as to how to sit with pain. I want to try is all I know. I do know that for all of you out there who know what I am talking about, you will be in my prayers. We may feel alone but we aren’t. Sometimes just knowing that some one else knows how we feel helps. Hang in there!