Sick and tired of being sick and tired is a slogan from Alcoholics Anonymous. It describes the physical and emotional sickness and exhaustion that comes with drug seeking and drug using. Being an active addict is a full time job and is just as tiring as a “real” job. I have often thought that if we (addicts) put as much time, energy and determination into something constructive, we may actually be able to move mountains. In our drug seeking we have all the characteristics that any employer would relish. The difference is that at the end of the day there is no feeling of satisfaction just more of the self-loathing we feel all the time.
The interesting thing about alcoholics and addicts is that many of us are very intelligent. It takes a lot of smarts to pull off the crap we do. It becomes a catch 22 for some of us. We are too smart to act so ignorant, but we continue to do it.
I am at a point that I want to use some of these characteristics I spoke about for my good as opposed to my demise. I want my creativity to produce something I am proud of. I want to use the single-mindedness of drug seeking to make my web site grow. I want to channel the physical and emotional stamina I have for getting drugs into painting my house or finding work I enjoy. Instead of manipulating doctors, I’d like to shape my life to be something that makes me happy. Instead of ending the day in self-loathing, I want to end it self-loving.
Are any of you as sick and tired of being sick and tired as I am?