Resentment in the Alcoholic and Addict

Resentment in the addict and alcoholic is probably the number one thing that will take them down. We are the kings and queens of wallowing in every imagined or real offense we have against some one. We can’t remember what we did last night but we remember what someone said to us 40 years ago that made us angry. We will bring up these offenses whenever we have a drink in our hand. It makes us ugly and certainly doesn’t make people want to be around us.

There is person in my life that wallows in resentments constantly. She has something against everyone who has ever crossed her path whether the person is 4 or 84.  I stand and watch her talk about someone who has offended her and I can find nothing attractive about her. Unfortunately she is the elephant in the room and most of us avoid her if we can. As a recovering addict and alcoholic I try to see her as someone in pain because I can’t afford to build up any resentment against her. This is easier said than done.

I can’t have reached 57 without my own share of people who have offended me. What I have learned is that most of the time whoever offended me didn’t mean to. I have realized that I am super sensitive and a people pleaser. I have been blessed with many mentors who have pointed out the deadly emotions that I can’t afford to have. Resentment and pride are at the top of my list of emotions to avoid.

Alcoholics and addicts have to look at negative emotions such as resentment and work hard at not allowing these things to permeate out lives. In my daily life I see many people who are unattractive not because they were physically born that way but because of all the resentment and anger they have, there faces are contorted into ugliness. I have had my share of painful situations from childhood and as an adult. My daughters often comment that a lesser person would have caved under the things I have had to endure. I can’t say there aren’t days when I wallow in self-pity but I don’t allow myself to stay there long. I do not want the cancer of resentment to turn my face to ugliness or make people not want to be around me. I don’t want hard edges to my personality and I definitely don’t want an excuse to drink or do drugs again.

3 comments on “Resentment in the Alcoholic and Addict
  1. Gene Travis Bickford says:

    In this writing You State “Resentment and pride are at the top of my list of emotions to avoid”. I’d be intrested to read more of your thoughts on pride being an emotion to avoid.

    I often think one of my best traits is my pride, yet at the same time I also feel it can be one of my worst traits.

  2. Gene Travis Bickford says:

    sorry, i just read your thoughts on pride in your writing titled What is step One”

  3. Laurie2010 says:

    There is a difference between pride and knowing that you are good at certain things. It is a question of whether you are humble about your own strengths. If this pride keeps you from admitting that you are beaten obviously that might not be a good thing. If it keeps us from reaching out to others for help we are only hurting ourselves. My first sponsor had a heck of a time with me concerning pride. She would say “do you believe that God can help you?” My answer was always “yes I believe he can but I don’t know if he will”. It took a long time of soul searching to understand that by saying I didn’t know if He would help me I was really putting myself on a pedestal as if I was the only person God wouldn’t help. I was that important in my own eyes. When I did my fourth step which is “made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves” I discovered how much pride I really have and how it hindered my sobriety and peace of mind. I still struggle with it today but I am more aware of it and I can catch myself. I would suggest that you do some soul searching and try to see the difference between pride and acknowledging that you have certain strengths and that you are a decent human being capable of loving and being loved.

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