My first sponsor said my mantra should be “my will be done”. She lovingly pointed out how often I said I will at the start of a sentence. Unfortunately what usually went a long with that was my stubbornness to have my own way. My own way often led down the road of destruction through drug and alcohol abuse.
For me my will usually had its roots in anger which permeated my entire life. As the product of an abusive and dysfunctional childhood I was determined as an adult that I was going to get everything I thought I was entitled to. I was like a mack truck spreading my “I wills”all over anyone who got in my path.
I assume most of us know that “my will be done” gets its Biblical roots from the Lords Prayer “Thy Will Be Done”. My first sponsor often used humor to make a point. It was not funny to watch me tearing through life getting my own will done no matter what. It wasn’t until I did the third step of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) that I began to see what she meant. The third step of AA is “Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood Him”. As I did that step I began to see how my will not only hurt the people I love, it also kept me in bondage to alcohol and drug abuse. As I changed my will to Thy will my life began to change as did my relationships with others.
Today I try not to use the words “I Will”. I am not implying that no one should use those words, for me they don’t work for others it is fine. I have to be vigilant about my own will so I don’t head back down the road to destruction.