My name is Laurie and I am an alcoholic and drug addict. When I was about nine years old, my father used to ask me to get him a beer. I would go upstairs to get him one and would drink half of it before I brought it to him. He thought this was funny as did I. Little did I know I was beginning a 47 year nightmare that would bring to my knees more times than I care to remember. The people that don’t suffer this affliction routinely say uninformed things like ” why can’t you just stop”. I wish it was that easy. With support from others, AA, church, or just the sheer force of our will, we do put together some clean time. But that inevitable day comes where we talk our selves into trying that road again. AA gives the definition of insanity as repeating the same behavior expecting different results. It is amazing how we can talk ourselves into doing the drug or, drinking the drink thinking it won’t end the same way. But it always does. Each time we go back to it we feel worse about ourselves.
I don’t pretend to have all the answers. What I do have is experience with using and with sobriety. Most of all I can identify with everything the addict and alcoholic go through. I have been accused of caring more about the addict and alcoholic than I do about my own family. It is not true, I love my family more than I love my own life. When I sit in an AA meeting next to a lovely woman who is crying because she has 24 hours of clean time, is not sure if she will be sober tomorrow, she has little kids and she hates herself, I get it. We never mean to hurt anyone . There are times when the addiction and pain is talking so loud it drowns out the love we have for out family and the hate we have for ourselves comes to the forefront and we can’t subdue it. With this site I am hoping to help someone. I am currently in college to get a degree in Substance Abuse Counseling. I will explore the many sides to alcohol and drug abuse from spirituality to child abuse. It sounds trite, but I really do feel that if I can somehow help one alcoholic to stay sober, I feel that all of the pain I have suffered will be worth it. Thanks for letting me share and keep coming!