Fear

Fear is in all of us and especially in the alcoholic. Fear is what drives us to all kinds of behaviors. Most people would argue that they are not afraid, but if you look deeply you will probably find that underneath it all fear is running rampant.

My husband and I have a very hard time talking about money. We almost always end up arguing about it. I think at times he thinks I spend too much and I argue that he has no idea what things cost. The bottom line is that we are both afraid we won’t have enough of it and rather than say that to each other we argue about it. My husband has no concept of getting anywhere on time. He says he is just laid back about things and doesn’t have to answer to a clock like when he was in the Air force. I get very nervous if I think we are going to be late to something. The problem is that I am afraid that if we are late somewhere, someone will be angry at me. There is the fear; I am a chronic people pleaser.

As human beings we have some basic needs that have to be met. Food, shelter, human contact ect. Whenever the threat arises that one of these needs might not be met, fear rears its ugly head. It usually takes the form of anger which is a much easier emotion to do. There have been times when my husband and I have taken the time to talk about money honestly. We admit to the fear and usually we stop arguing. When I approach him honestly without anger the outcome is good.

Pride gets in the way of honest talking. We don’t want to show the fragile part of ourselves. We don’t want to admit to fear. We don’t want to feel that we are not in control. Underneath pride we will find fear. If somehow we could all look at the times we have been angry and find the fear in it and react differently, the outcome would be better.

Fear is in all of us and especially in the alcoholic. Fear is what drives us to all kinds of behaviors. Most people would argue that they are not afraid, but if you look deeply you will probably find that underneath it all fear is running rampant.

My husband and I have a very hard time talking about money. We almost always end up arguing about it. I think at times he thinks I spend too much and I argue that he has no idea what things cost. The bottom line is that we are both afraid we won’t have enough of it and rather than say that to each other we argue about it. My husband has no concept of getting anywhere on time. He says he is just laid back about things and doesn’t have to answer to a clock like when he was in the Air force. I get very nervous if I think we are going to be late to something. The problem is that I am afraid that if we are late somewhere, someone will be angry at me. There is the fear; I am a chronic people pleaser.

As human beings we have some basic needs that have to be met. Food, shelter, human contact ect. Whenever the threat arises that one of these needs might not be met, fear rears its ugly head. It usually takes the form of anger which is a much easier emotion to do. There have been times when my husband and I have taken the time to talk about money honestly. We admit to the fear and usually we stop arguing. When I approach him honestly without anger the outcome is good.

Pride gets in the way of honest talking. We don’t want to show the fragile part of ourselves. We don’t want to admit to fear. We don’t want to feel that we are not in control. Underneath pride we will find fear. If somehow we could all look at the times we have been angry and find the fear in it and react differently, the outcome would be better.

Posted in Attitude and Behavior in Alcohol and Drug Addiction Tagged with: , , , , , , , ,


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*