Dealing with sobriety can be really hard. I always thought that if I remained sober that life would automatically be easier. Suddenly my life would be better and everything would be great. It hasn’t quite turned out that way.
Sobriety carries with it certain responsibilities. When I was drinking and using drugs I did exactly what I had to do everyday and nothing else. (My physician calls me a functional alcoholic.) With sobriety it seems that I expect more from myself. I think my family expects more from me as well. I know what I am capable of doing and anything less than that is not acceptable.
I expect quality sobriety and I know what I have to do to achieve that. I have to examine my motives for every step I take. I know I anger quickly and can say things that aren’t very nice so every word has to be thought about and an apology has to come immediately. When I am not sober I spend much of the time in self-pity and depression. Those two emotions are not allowed to rear their ugly heads for long in sobriety. I know that I am responsible for how I act and react.
My husband and I are products of the 1950’s and so the division of duties reflects that. We both know that I am his equal so it works for us. When I am not sober I clean as little as possible and there is just enough food in the house so we don’t starve. In sobriety I take pride in my home and I am creative.
Dealing with sobriety takes a lot of hard work. It is more than not taking the drink or the drug. It is about being a decent person and a productive member of society. It is about giving more than taking. It is definitely not easy but the work is worth it when I think of the joy I can get in the small things each day brings.