I am sitting here at my desk trying to come with an idea to write about and I realized I am blocked by anger. I have been angry for two days and it has consumed me. I can only imagine what I must look like on the outside with all this ugliness on the inside. It is almost impossible to talk to another person because the only words on my tongue are not meant to come out of anyone’s mouth. My little five year old grandson is in the middle of two parents who are separating and he is angry also. The other day his mother told him to do something and all he could say was no many times in a row and louder every time. We are about fifty years apart and we are the same in our anger. This is a powerful emotion and neither one of us knows what to do with it.
I looked up the definition for anger and it is a feeling of having been wronged, accused falsely or denied something. The article went on to say that anger is so much easier to feel than sadness at having been wronged, accused falsely or denied something. I wish my grandson could express his sadness at his situation and I wish what I was falsely accused of could be turned around. That will probably not happen for either one of us.
The good thing in all of this is that my grandson’s mother knows he needs help to get through what he will have to experience. For me the good thing is that I no longer have to throw things, slam doors or take too many hostages with my anger. I didn’t have to retaliate verbally to the person that made me angry. I can sit with my anger for a few days and eventually I will find a place for it.
The beauty of sobriety is the work that I have done to change the way I react to things and maybe it is something I can pass down to my grandson.